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Funny New Year Resolutions

I will not bore my boss by with the same excuse for taking leaves. I will think of some more excuses.

Watch more TV. It's very educational. Catch up on all those programs you missed down the years.

I will not ring the stewardess button on airplanes just to get her phone number.

Just for today, I will not sit in my living room all day in my nightdress. Instead, I will move my computer into the bedroom.

When I hear a funny joke I will not reply, "LOL... LOL!"

I will do less laundry and use more deodorant.

I will avoid taking a bath whenever possible and conserve more water.

I resolve to work with neglected children -- my own.

I will stop sending e-mail, ICQ, Instant Messages and be on the phone at the same time with the same person.

I will think of a password other than "password."

Take up some worthwhile new habit, like smoking - it helps keep tobacco workers in jobs.

I will keep an extra safe distance when driving behind police cars.

Assure my lawyer that I will never again show up drunk at a custody hearing.

I will give up chocolates totally. 100%. Completely. Honestly....